the laanba blog

More Change

More fallout from blog changes.  I've decided to take everything back to laanba.  I'm essentially returning to where I was 6 years ago which is amusing to me.   I left that behind in search, of who knows what.  Some grand idea of internet blogging rightness, but I have found that I was never 100% settled into that.  I am laanba and laanba is me and that is who I should be everywhere online.  To that end I've changed the URL here at the blog and am in the process of changing my photoblog over.  Most people wouldn't do such a thing because it breaks a million links and I will be breaking a million as well, but I don't have that large a readership as it is and I can live with some broken links.  My primary email address will be changing over as well.  I'm leaving photine behind.

Another thing that is nearing its end is Assignment: Houston.  I'm not saying this one 100% but the time is coming soon to close up shop over there.  I just started a photowalks group associated with it and I'm not sure if I'll continue the photowalks group or let that go away as well.  We are doing our first photowalk next weekend so that will help me decide.  Flickr participation has changed, group participation has changed (dropped) and the internet is constantly changing.  I want to keep a Houston group going somedays, but other days I don't want to be the one to have to run it.  It would be nice to be just a normal person with a camera in Houston instead of running something. Sometimes I want to spin Assignment: Houston off as its own blog, but then I'm not sure what the voice is or how to approach it.  I am very undecided about the future of that group and brand.  I've taken the website down for now.  I have assignments and photowalks scheduled through November. I feel like I need to have a voice and place for Houston photographers to assemble, but it may be something different than Assignment: Houston and it may not be on Flickr at all.  I'm not sure.

So more changes ahead. 

New Year!

I should have been in bed an hour ago.  I suck at this go to bed early thing.  Let me just get a couple things that have been rattling around my head down and then I'm off to bed.  

These last two weeks at work have slowly helped me to sort out how and when I am going to handle my renewed interest in blogging.  I realize for sure that I have to process all photos for the upcoming week during the weekend before.  I don't have to write the posts all that weekend (I've done that before) but the photos do have to be processed and exported.  I just don't have the time to do it otherwise.  If I'm smart I'll set up the post the night before so my morning is free.  I'm also going to be going back to every day posting at least for a while.  I still have a lot of photos to get through.

As for Assignment: Houston posting I haven't figured that one out yet.  I need to find a time to write over there the way that I want to.  It has already fallen into the neglected pile as soon as I started work.  Those posts take more time and research and I'm just not sure where it is going to fit into my schedule, but I must make it fit somewhere.  As for this blog I've gotten way better at just dumping everything on the page and getting it posted.  The flow feels good here.

A couple of other things for the new school year.  I'm starting up the One Week challenges again and my 52 week photo project.  For the One Week challenge I try to change one habit for one week.  I'm not too worried about whether it carries over or not.  I just want to try a week with the habit.  This week I'm cutting sugar out as much as possible.  I mean cookies, candies, cake, sweets, ice cream.  All the things I adore. This one was partially spurred on by the fact that prednisone really does a doozy on you if you are eating too much sugar.  That is one seriously wacked out medicine.  As for the 52 weeks project, I am going to take a self portrait once a week.  My particular spin on it is that they will be mirror project photos so they will be reflections and all the photos for the project will be taken with my iPhone.  I'll post those here and at Flickr.

No big school year resolutions.  Just trying to get my life back into a routine.  Happily.  I love setting up routines.  I'm just not so good at following them.

Ugh

I have been fighting a major allergy flare up for the last month.  Cough, cough, coughing all the time.  Coughing while I'm sleeping, coughing while I'm eating, coughing while I'm talking.  It really got bad the last two weeks.  I've thrown everything at it that I know how to do and it just couldn't shake it so I finally broke down yesterday an went to the Take Care Clinic.

The doctor gave me some instructions with the medicine I already have and then added a steroid, Prednisone,  for five days.  I know that I have taken Prednisone once upon a time but this time I'm actually experiencing some of the side effects.  Usually when I take a new medicine I read the pamplet carefully (because I'm nerdy like that) but I usually don't feel the side effects to any degree.  Not so this time and I realize it is probably because I am getting older.  How a medicine affects a 20 year old is not the same as a 40 year old.  All this was just after one pill.  Im only taking them for five days thankfully, but now I'm kind of dreading it. But old age is something you have to adjust to so I'll suck it up because I really want to be better.  This is one of the worst flare ups I've had since I started treatment almost 10 years ago.

But when I was double checking my symptoms by looking for people discussing it on the internet (I know, I know...) I ran across super scary information.  Like taking this medication even for three days will cause me to be depressed and jump from a bridge or make me sick for the next year.  Umm... .yeah.  I wish I hadn't gone internet surfing.  I wish I was 20 again.  Most of all right now though I wish that this flare up would go away so I'm going to take another pill.

Dave Barry

I love Dave Barry.  I can't remember how I first picked up his humor books but I think there is only one or two that I don't have.  You can see that when I love a book, I really love it to the point of losing dust covers and reading it so much the bindings show wear. I was sad when he stopped writing his column on a regular basis and his humor books have slowed down considerably as he has transitioned to fiction.  He was in Houston to promote a young adult book that he wrote with Ridley Pearson and even though I don't read the series, I went to the book signing to see him talk.  I love living in Houston that gives me opportunities like this, I love the location of my "new" apartment that makes going to things like this on a weeknight considerably easier and I love Dave Barry.

 

The Man and the Funeral

I went back to work last week, but it was on a schedule that I set.  I set what time I arrived, what I did during the day, when I had lunch and when I left.  But now that lovely luxury is over and I now answer to the man.  This week is staff development so I have one more week to get used to this before the kids arrive.  Hopefully I can get myself on a better sleep schedule.  I did not go to sleep once last week before midnight and ideally I should be asleep by 10 p.m.  

I also want to note that I lost one of my former students this weekend to cancer.  I got the call on Friday, she passed on Saturday and I was at the funeral last night.  That was fast!  She was so full of life and personality always with the biggest smile.  It is almost hard to be sad when I think about her because she makes me smile so much.  The funeral however was.... interesting.  

I got there two hours early because kids from the high school choir were being allowed to sing at that time and those kids are my kids as well.  After we heard them sing my assistant and I decided to stay for what we thought was a wake but was listed as a funeral (with a second funeral scheduled for tomorrow).  At 6 p.m. it started with a slideshow.  That lasted for an hour and 20 minutes.  I'm not kidding.  And then the service started.  It was all in Spanish and it is a church where there is a lot of standing and singing and thanking God and it was another hour before the first of eight listed speakers got to the podium.  Two speakers and then a choir sang another song.  We  heard that cars were blocked in the parking lot and my assistant confirmed there was no way we were getting out, but I tried again and found that some more people had left and that they were calling people to move cars as needed.  We left at that time and pulled out of the parking lot 5 hours after arriving.  I'd like to note that when we left the service was still going on.  I have a feeling it was going to go until 10 p.m. (4 hours!!!!).  Not what I expected at all.   

Ok.  Time to go get ready.  Have a good Monday everyone.

On the list

I called the apartment complex today and got on "the list" for the downstairs apartment.  I gathered that it is a short list consisting of me, but I'll have to wait until the person moves out.  The guy told me that new renters only sign 12 month leases so it will be at least a year before I can move in and of course if they renew it will be longer.  The good news is that even if I am in the middle of a lease he said they just transfer it to the new apartment so there will be no issue there.  

So another year of dealing with the AC sound.  It seems to have been bothering me more the last few weeks and especially few days, but I'll survive.  I know it probably doesn't help that my TV gets used less and less and a lot of times my apartment is completely quiet except for the clacking of my fingers on my computer keyboard.

I'll try not to complain too much this year.  I truly love my apartment, my complex and the area I live in.  It's just this one thing that is a problem.  I found this article and while it doesn't describe me exactly I feel a lot less alone with this problem than I did before (the site has an auto start video that you'll have to mute... stupid web designers).

I'm plagued by a hum that no one else hears

Office Space

It's been a good week back so far.  We are getting lots done.  

I made some changes in my office and one of them was using the bulletin board where I used to display 8x10 copies of my pictures and using it to display pictures of my students and notes and artwork that they gave me.  But I still wanted my photos up in the office somewhere and this is what I came up with.  The photos are 4x6 and now it makes this whole little area a more personal space about me.

Let's take a tour.  Out of the picture frame above this bulletin board is my diploma.  On the bulletin board we have:  a Panama banner that my uncle gave me last time I was in Panama, a Houston Its Worth It postcard with the outline of Houston, two of my favorite Far Side comics, an old school Apple sticker back when the company was called Apple Computer, pins pins and more pins because schools like to give teachers pins, a lei from a retirement party last year, the letter B that a student gave me last year, a poem about finding peace no matter where you are (something I need to remember at work), Cardinal Spirit Never Dies (my high school mascot with music symbols!), a picture of a young me, a B music note that was a gift from kids, a postcard featuring one of my photos and a wall hanging from my cousin.  Underneath that the 10 photos for this year.  Those photos were all taken sometime during the last school year.

I'm happy with the work space.  I think it is going to be nice to have the photos right next time me instead of across the office.  Hopefully those lovely images will help me find some of that peace I need in the undoubtedly crazy times that accompany every school year.

Summer 2011

Well tonight puts a wrap on summer 2011.  Looking back it wasn't what I thought it would be, but it turned out nicely all the same.  When I return to work and people ask how my summr was I can describe it in two statements.  I went to Panama.  I was lazy.

Going back through my Panama photos has really reset the trip for me in my frame of mind.  I'm glad I blogged it and while I was blogging my feelings were fresh.  Looking back on it with a little time it was a wonderful trip and I saw some really beautiful places and had some wonderful experiences.  I love my little country.

As for the lazy, it is quite a surprise.  I really thought this summer, being all settled in the apartment, I would be out and about every day taking advantage of being in the city and close to all the cool things with loads of time on my hands.  The opposite happened.  Many times my brain said "meh.. you live 10 minutes from there... you can do it tomorrow."  I spent a lot of days doing absolutely nothing.  This was probably one of the laziest summers I have spent in ages, but I have no regrets.  It is what I needed.

And while on summer I sorted out some internet truths as well.  While I was dabbling with Google+ and 500px, two newbies on the social media scene, I realized how much I love my blog and my photoblog and my Flickr account.  While many are flocking to those two new places I am staying put in my old homes and it was reinforced to me this summer.  I have been blogging more (have you noticed) and hope to continue the trend.  I revamped and put the final pieces into place for my new spin on Assignment: Houston and for refreshing my laanba identity (first blogged here).  I feel good about the changes.  Not changes really, refinements.  And I even have a spiffy new home page at http://laanba.net.  

All in all it was a good summer.  I'm not going to lie though, I will be glad to get back to some structure.  I'm ready.  

Practice Your Confidence

Warning:  Deep, emotional currents ahead.  Not for the faint of heart.  Superficiality resumes next post.

You know how the internet works right?  You are looking up one thing and twenty minutes later you are on a completely different topic and you can't even remember the steps that led you there.  That happened to me last night and it took me somewhere that was much needed.

The site I ended up on was an article for the Village Voice about guys who like "fat chicks" and that led me to a blog on the same topic by that guy (Ask A Guy) and on that blog was one article in particular that has hit home.  Before I give you the link be warned that it contains strong language and sexual content.  If you are easily offended skip it and just read the rest of this blog post.   The post I am referencing is here.

I had already started to come to some of these conclusions slowly this year.  I have been on a few "dates" this year (and yes dates definitely needs to be in air quotes) which is more than I've been on in many, many, MANY years.   The first one ended in disaster, the second was not much better, etc.  And while slowly ramping up this process I began to realize some things.

1.  I don't know how to date.  I really don't.  I've had a grand total of one boyfriend in my life and one... well... I'm not sure what to call him but it was very emotionally and physically intense while it lasted.  And then various other encounters along the way (you can read between the lines right?).  This is all after I graduated college.  I didn't date in high school or college because guys just weren't interested in me or I was too shy or a combination of both.  So I haven't had the practice that other people got to have in their younger years.  

2.  I don't know how to talk to men.  I grew up an only child with a divorced mom who was a loner.  I just didn't interact with a lot of men and I realize that it has had an affect on me.  I have talked before about my lack of eye contact and it is especially bad with just about any man I run across unless I know them well.  I feel like everything is going to be written on my face and so I keep my face down.

3. I have a brain malfunction.  I am someone who is always looking forward.  In some ways (like planning logistical things at work) this is a good thing.  In some ways (like dating or looking for a relationship) this is bad.  I immediately start thinking 5, 10, 15 months then 5, 10, 15 years down the future and I sabotage a lot of things.  I start finding one or two things that are "faults" and blow them up in my mind to impossible proportions and then thats it.  

"Oh your profile says that you like the suburbs.  But I don't want to move to the suburbs." 

See, what I did there?  Yes, I know it's bad. 

So what was it about this particular post from Ask A Guy (actually the whole blog)?  It is like the friend I truly need at this crossroads in my personal life.  The person who is completely blunt, speaks the truth and is unafraid of the consequences.  It is the conclusions I have started coming to on my own but instead of my meek tip toeing up to the topic it is completely in my face. 

1. Do Not Be Afraid To Be Single
Ask A Guy says meet, chat, date and other things and then repeat.   Do not feel guilty about enjoying someone's company and do not settle. He says it much more bluntly than I can say it here, but I need to hear it that way.  I am not doing anything wrong and I do not need to commit myself to someone just because they were kind enough to go on a date with me (which is why I think I have the long term freak outs).  

2. Brutal Honesty
For me this one means saying who I am interested in and not settling.  I kind of feel like I have to take anyone who is interested in me even if I am not interested in them, because really how many will be interested in someone with my body type.   Time and again on his blog Ask A Guy says that there ARE men out there who will like me for who I am and that I don't have to settle and I can't be afraid of saying what I like.  I don't have to take the next guy that comes along just because he went on a date with me (see #1) and in the meantime I should just enjoy dating (again... see #1).  

3. Flirt Whenever You Can
In another post he says it as meeting guys and sharpening your dating skills.  Tie this one up with my dating history, lack of experience and shyness and boy do I have a problem.   I have to work on this one.  I have to.  I've started slowly, but I need to practice talking to all kinds of men.  Straight men, gay men, single men, married men, men who like bigger girls, men who don't, all kinds.  Practice, practice, practice.  Flirting?  Ha.  I can't even imagine doing such a thing.  But I'll get there.  Baby steps.  

4. Stop Fearing Rejection
In the blog post he says it will happen.  Smile, walk away and find the next interesting person.  I love that.  I need to remind myself that I don't have to marry that one person who sent me an email and said they were interested in meeting me (example of my brain malfunction) and if it doesn't work out there will be someone else out there.  And for goodness sakes not to settle.  In another post he mentions that there are creeps out there no matter your body type.  They are a fact of life, but you don't let them throw you off course.  Walk away.

And something I took away from the Village Voice article.  People have preferences and some people just have a preference for bigger women.  I have a hard time believing anyone would be interested in me and I keep asking potential contacts almost in an accusatory tone.  We all have preferences whether it is tall, short, blonde, brunette, fat, muscular or skinny.  I'm going to stop asking and just concentrate on the experience with that person.

I am so glad I found this blog. I know a lot of this may seem obvious, but sometimes you just need it said a certain way.  I apparently need it said by an in your face, taken no prisoners, 20 something from New York.  And he says "practice your confidence."

 

Proof

Remember when I said I drank water from a coconut that they took right off the tree?  See?  Coconut!