the laanba blog

Work and Books

Well UIL is in the books.  I'm neither happy nor sad.  I guess that's an improvement because I'm usually sad.  My treble and mixed got 1's on stage and had difficult times in sight reading.  My assistant's treble choir got sweepstakes.  The boys did their best.  I'm definitely proud of all my kids, but right now I feel empty.  I feel like I want to cry but the tears won't come.   I definitely feel like I can't go through that again, but I'm sure that's because I'm only about 24 hours removed from it.  

My aunts husband told me that I should do something different with the second half of my life (11 days until I'm 40).  As I have mentioned here before that is a dream, but I don't even know where to begin and right now I feel drained of any energy or motivation to even think of something so big.  

Anyway, enough of that.  I had to mark today down as an interesting day in books.  I finished up one book this morning (The Magicians), read an entire book (The Hunger Games) and started a third (The Black Prism).  Three books in one day!  That's  record for me.  I am so happy to watch my Goodreads book list start to fill out.  We are on week 15 of 2012 and I've already read 12 books.  That's averaging about a book a weekish!  Wow!  I'm sure I can't keep this pace up but it is definitely the most I've read since I was a young kid and I love it.  

I've started doing this thing where I set my wallpaper on my iPhone to the cover of the book I'm currently reading.  I like it because every time I use my phone it reminds me that with whatever free time I have I could be reading.  I moved the Kindle app to my home page and even though I haven't used it much I have used it here and there.  It puts reading front and center and that can never be a bad thing.  I have long wanted to reclaim my life as a reader and I am finally on track. 

 

UIL

It's UIL time.  Our first choir goes this afternoon and three more go tomorrow.  In the past I have posted my guesses here, but I'm not going to do that this year.  I have some ideas, but I am at the point where I can not worry about it anymore.  It is what it is as the band director says.  I'm really hoping that each group brings at least a plaque home.  

I'm most looking forward to this huge burden being lifted off my shoulders.

Crawling Up

When last I left you I was spiraling down.  Now I'm crawling back up.  Slowly, but at least I'm headed in a better direction.  In fact after I published that last post I got up and started picking things up.  That's why I love to blog.  It gets the stuff out of my head.  It is therapeutic for me.

I was SO behind on so many things.  It was so bad that I actually took a bunch of clothes to the wash and fold.  I've never done that before so I partly did it just to see what it was like.  This was also precipitated by the fact that one of the two washers in my complex is not working so it was very hard to get laundry done.  The wash and fold was great.  I wish I could afford it all the time, but alas I can not.  I would rather spend my money on other things like.... a cleaning service!  

I finally found a cleaning service I like.  I had a wonderful lady that cleaned my apartment when I lived in east Houston.  Unfortunately River Oaks is too far for her to drive.  I first decided not to pursue a cleaning service since my move here conincided with having to pay $20 a week to get Gypsy her kidney failure fluids.  I toyed with the idea off and on, and I was in such a black hole the last couple of weeks that I decided to try again and thankfully I found a place I really like.  I was very happy with the job and I've already booked them for the future.  I like that they do 2 and 3 week rotations.  Not sure if I'll be able to swing 2 all the time, but I'm going to try.

I am much poorer than I was even this morning because I took my car in to get serviced and it cost $800.  Ouch!  It was one of the things I wanted to do with my refund money and I finally got it done but that's about $300 more than I was expecting.  Oh well.  It was nice to have a padded account for a while.  Now I really need to get myself tracking my money.

All these things though are adding up to a brighter home life.  Clean apartment, clean clothes, chores being finished, plans being made.  Hopefully I'm crawling out of the hole that I've been nesting in for the last 6 weeks or so.

Now if I could just get my social life moving as well. 

Shut Down

When I get really stressed I shut down.  Usually I don't recognize the signs and behaviors until the thing causing the stress has lifted and I look back over my patterns for the previous weeks or months.  

My current stressor (UIL) is still two weeks away, but I recognize the patterns now.  It has been at least since mid-February and I think it has slowly been getting worse each day.  I have gotten to the point where I do absolutely nothing in my apartment.  My laundry is piling up, my refrigerator is empty and my apartment is a disaster.  And yet I can't muster the energy or desire to work on any of it.  

I usually don't recognize things this early.  I'm not sure if it will help me break the pattern or if I'll just sit here numb with the added knowledge of knowing that I am sitting here numb. 

One of those days

What a day today has been.  

I started the day tired. Last night I went to see Annie.  It was a lovely production and the little girl playing Annie was really good.  But it was a strange evening.  As soon as the overture began I started tearing up.  And I teared up (ok fine.... cried) at almost every song and moment in the first half.  At Maybe, at Tomorrow, at any scene that had Sandy.  I certainly love this show, and I love musical theater, but I was not expecting that reaction.  I honestly think it is the stresses of my current situation that are wreacking havoc on my system.

So I got home late, but I had to get up early because I had a choir rehearsal this morning.  It is the first time I've ever called a Saturday and all the kids showed up!  Because of state testing and the way our schedule works I only saw them one day this week and we have competition in two weeks.  It was a good thing to have rehearsal and I'm glad I did it.  I felt tired all morning though and once my part was over I started to feel a headache and sore throat.  I stayed to help the band with their rehearsal and didn't get home until about 3 p.m.

By this point I was flat out exhausted.  I went to bed and slept until 8.  I woke up still tired but I got up to feed my cat.  When I sat down at the computer I noticed the internet was out (that's like cutting off one of my limbs).  I was on my phone when I heard a thump and a wailing meow.  Gypsy was on the floor and she did not look good.  She was sitting and moving in a strange way.  I moved her to the restroom because I thought she was going to throw up or expel in another way and she started panting. I let her out of there and she walked very strangely to the living room where she did this half laying down/half crawling thing.  At this point I got dressed, got the carrier down and confirmed directions to the emergency clinic.  But when I put her in the carrier she fought me like she always does and wouldn't sit down in the carrier.  I opened the door and she walked out fairly normal.  She spent the next 10 minutes or so wandering the apartment with her normal gait, going to the restroom and even taking a few bites to eat.  I think she will be ok.  I'm not sure what happened, but I think she fell off the dresser and it stunned her.  My poor elderly baby.

Now the internet is back, but this day has been so weird I just want to scrap it, head to bed and read my book.  I think I will. 

In the meantime you can watch this rehearsal footage from the show.  How I love musical theater. 

Hey... You!

Work is not a happy place right now.  No details, just lots of stress and negativity and dreams of being somewhere else, anywhere else. When I get like this I look up other jobs and dream of other things to do, but when I really start looking at things like qualifications and salaries I realize this isn't something that is going to happen easily.  If I could craft my dream job it would be connected with the arts and education in some way and that is a very narrow job field. 

And then it hit me the other day.  I dream of finding a new job like I dream of finding a person to share my life with.  That I'm going to be walking along and someone is going to just stop me and say "You!  You are the person I've been waiting for."  That someone I've communicated with online or in person will suddenly realize I'm the woman of their dreams or that I would be a great fit in their company.  When I think about it in those terms I know it is obviously not going to happen that way.

So what to do.  On the job front I may look into going to a career counselor for advice.  Not to do anything drastic right away but to work on some options for the near term future.  The other thing that I may have to face up to is leaving my school and/or school district.  I always tell new teachers not to give up on teaching but to maybe try a new age level or new school because they are all so different.  Yet I don't take my own advice.  I've been at my school for 17 years and the idea of leaving is terrifying.  But so is the idea of being somewhere my whole career where I am going through the motions when if I was just brave enough to take one step to the left my whole outlook would change.

As for the dating front, I have no clue.  I can pretend that it doesn't bother me, that seeing the big 4-0 drawing ever closer (29 days) and still being virtually alone is no big deal, but that would be a huge lie.

I think that my life has been drifting along with the current for a while.  If I want true change I am going to have to take hold of the rudder and start doing some steering. 

Disney Ear Worm

You would think "It's a Small World" would be the song stuck in my head after my visit to Disney, but no.  It's this one.

Souvenirs

I am very conscious of clutter and buying "stuff."  My family is notorious for collecting things and I fight the urge as much as I can.  Not to mention I have a small apartment and don't really have a place to put it.  I have always said that my photos are my main souvenirs from trips, but the organizations in Orlando had my number and I plunked down a pretty penny for "stuff."  And that's ok because I love it.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Good thing I went to Harry Potter first because I spent the most money here.  I just couldn't resist and of course the prices were sky high.  When I got there the only thing I knew I was going to get was a wand.  This is what I left with.

Maurder's Map:  As soon as I saw it I had to have it.  It unfolds several layers and it is wonderful to hold and to look at.  

Wand:  I didn't get to do the wand shop experience because the line was so long, but when I was in Dervish and Banges they had a wand selection.  They had a section that had all the wands of the characters, but then they had another section that had Ollivander's Originals.  They are wands not tied to any character but instead  tied to an astrological calendar.  I told the clerk my birthday and she gave me this wand.  Willow.  10 inches. 

Hufflepuff Hat, Pin and Key Chain:  I can't believe I didn't blog about this.  On JKRowling's official Pottermore site I was sorted into Hufflepuff in October.  I was shocked and in denial for a few days and I really didn't know what I would buy when I was at the theme park, but once there it was Hufflepuff all the way.  Badgers unite!

Deathly Hallows Keychain: The silver keychain is the Deathly Hallows symbol.  I have that on my keys now.  If I am out and about and anybody recognizes it then I will know they are a kindred Harry Potter spirit.

Pumpkin Juice Bottle and Butterbeer Mug:  The Pumpkin Juice bottle isn't really made to keep but I washed it out and I'm going to take it to work.  The kids will get a kick out of it.  The Butterbeer mug probably won't last much longer, but I had to have it.  The pumpkin juice really tasted like pumpkin juice but it was really sweet and I couldn't drink the whole thing.  Butterbeer on the other hand was heaven.  It was like cream soda with a buttery foam that stayed the whole time.  I absolutely loved it.  Mmm.... butterbeer.

Chocolate Frog:  Going into Honeydukes was just how I imagined it from the books.  Packed with people and candy and colors everywhere.  If you read the books you know I had to buy a chocolate frog.  I got the Godric Gryffindor card and that is one solid piece of chocolate.

   

Walt Disney World

I had some idea what I was going to get at Harry Potter but no plans for any souvenirs at other places.

R2D2 Ear: It wasn't until I was walking around Walt Disney World did I start thinking about the fact that I wanted some ears.  I watched a lot of Wonderful World of Disney growing up and it sounded like the perfect souvenir.  While standing in line for a 3D show I turned around and saw a little kid with the R2D2 ears.  I immediately asked his mom where he got them and that was my very next stop.  I got my name embroidered on the back and I wore them proudly the rest of the day.  I absolutely love them and they will go back with me next time I go to Disneylandworld.  

Earrings: Earrings are my de facto souvenir from trips.  I like getting earrings because I can use the item in my day to day life but they are always a reminder of my trip.  These are silver danglies and at the very bottom of each one is a little crystal mouse silhouette.  Perfect!

Sorcerer's Pin: I bought a pin at Harry Potter and I decided to buy one here.  At the time I was thinking that I was going to put them on my camera bag but now that I am home I think I'm going to find a way to display pins and buy them on my travels.  I wanted a pin that was definitely Disney but also unique.

1st Visit: This button makes me smile.  All you have to do is go to Disney City Hall and tell them it is your first time and they give it to you.  That is so fabulous and it really did make me feel special.

Kennedy Space Center

T-Shirts: I didn't plan on buying t-shirts anywhere but these are perfect.  I like the design of the brown Kenney Space Center and it is a typical "I went on vacation shirt."  The Apollo shirt is fabulous.  What you are looking at is the back of the shirt.  It has the patches from all the Apollo missions and it has a little logo on the front.

Able the Monkeynaut: I am always on the lookout for a "photo friend."  There are several photographers who take fabulous photos with toys and I have been looking for years for the perfect friend to go with me.  I really think Able might be the one.  First I got her in a tiny museum on Patrick Air Force base as part of the Cape Canaveral tour.  Second she is adorable and unique.  And she has magnets in her hands and feet which will help me position her.  The very first photo friend I ever saw on Flickr had magnets in their hands and feet and it was great.  So expect to see Able a lot more.

Pin and Magnet: Since I got pins at my other two locations I had to get one here and settled on the one with the Space Shuttle on it.  And while standing in checkout I reached for my last souvenir of this souvenir filled trip, a manget with the VAB on it.

So there you have it.  Most of the sounvenirs are small and/or useful (i.e. clothes or earrings) but some are just plain outrageous and that's fine with me.  I had a great trip and I was happy to buy momentos to remind me.

Kennedy

The one thing that I always wanted to do when I made it to Florida was go to Kennedy Space Center. If you read this blog on a regular basis, then you know that I am a space nut. I love living in Houston, partly because it is Space City USA.

Today I finally made it out to Kennedy. I didn't get to do everything that I wanted, but by the end of the day I felt good about my visit. When we got there the tour that I really wanted to take to the Vehicle Assembly Building (VAB) was already sold out, and the other tour only had two seats left. We grabbed those two seats even though there were three of us in my party. After a quick bite to eat and a walk to the Memorial Wall my cousin's wife and I got on the bus for the tour. My cousin decided to be the odd man out today.

The tour I took was called Cape Canaveral: Then and Now. We actually went on to Patrick Air Force Base and because of that everyone who went on this tour had to submit state identification or passports. The tour made several stops including the block house where they launched the first US rocket into space, the block house and landing pad where Alan Shepard became the first American into space, and a landing pad where a fire claimed the astronauts of Apollo 1. For someone who loves early American manned space history as much as I do this was a great tour.

On the way back to the visitor center we drove by the VAB and thankfully I was on the right side of the bus to get some good photos. We went to the Saturn V facility and it was fun to share that experience with my cousin's wife who had never seen a Saturn V rocket before.

Once we were back on the main complex site we went to a shuttle simulation "ride" which was very well done. I say "ride" because it mostly shook us around but since I have always heard a shuttle launch described that way I enjoyed it. Then it was a quick spin to the gift shop and my day at Kennedy Space Center was done.

Next summer Space Shuttle Atlantis will be on display at KSC, and even though I am still upset that Houston did not get a space shuttle, I would dearly love to see one so I will be back. There is so much that I didn't get to see and do and I could spend all day at anything flight or space related.

Thus ends my epic three days in Orlando Florida. Tomorrow I head back to Houston. It was a fun spring break.

Disney Child

Today turned out to be surprisingly emotional. I wasn't expecting it and when I don't expect it, it is harder to control. Today we went to Walt Disney World.

I am a Disney child. I grew up watching the Wonderful World of Disney, I listened to Disney records as my music growing up, I watched all the movies. Growing up I remember watching scenes from Disneyland on TV and wishing that I could go there, and knowing in my heart I never would. And today even though I didn't go to Disneyland I had the Disney experience and it was fantastic.

I did so many things that I saw as a child. Sitting in the Country Bear Jamboree was the first time that all of the emotions and memories came flooding back. After that the dam was open. We rode Pirates of the Caribbean, the Jungle Cruise and It's a Small World After All and I felt like a kid on each one. We saw a 3-D short movie featuring Disney music and I teared up because this music is in my soul. That may sound melodramatic but it's true. I got to see actors bust into song on Main Street, a show at the castle steps complete with Mickey and Minnie Mouse and the Disney princesses, and even part of a parade down Main Street.

I bought my very own pair of mouse ears and got my name stitched on the back. I wore them proudly the whole rest of the day without being embarrassed or shy like I normally am. I even got a button that said first visit. I felt like a kid the whole time in the most delightful way.

I had teared up at various points throughout the day but getting ready to leave the tears really started coming (thank goodness for sunglasses). I still haven't figured out why I reacted that way, and I will be thinking about it for weeks to come, but I think that some of it has to be that for one pure moment in time I was free to just be happy with no inhibitions. I don't get that very often.

Today was a magical day. I am happy to reconnect with that Disney child and she will definitely be going back to the land where dreams come true.